Hello Internet. It’s me, Maggie 🙂
I’ve processed a lot of my grief, so I’m mostly functional again. I wasn’t for a little while, but I’m better now.
I sewed for my dolls a lot during my mourning period. When I get the gumption I hope to share some of my new dolly dressed here on my blog. I also revamped my Etsy store and may even post some things to sell in March or April. I would be really proud of myself if I could do that. With selling my doll clothes, I always have great, extravagant plans, but I get bogged down in my perfectionistic nature and then don’t do much of anything because I am so busy making it perfect that I lose sight of the goal, which is getting the doll clothes online so they can be sold. The goal is to make money and get the doll clothes to the masses. I get lost in the details of the journey and forget about the destination. Can anyone identify with me? Nope? Must just be me then ;-).
Another thing I’m working on is getting my food back into its proper place. Today I’ve started to, once again, write it all down, and plan it in advance. I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve gained 9-pounds. There is no way I am ever allowing myself to go back to the misery of being morbidly obese. It just hurts too much. So I’m biting the bullet, admitting that I am the problem, and that God is the solution, and surrendering to the fact that if I don’t write down what I eat, I will only gain weight and wind up being fat forever. That is not an option. It can’t be an option. I don’t want to be sick for the rest of my life, so I have to do what I have to do, no matter how distasteful. *Sigh.* I really don’t like writing down everything I eat, but if I want to lose weight, then I have to submit to the process. Ugh. Reality stinks sometimes. Denial is such a lovely place to live, but it doesn’t help my problem. Which is eating too much.
Later today I will try to upload my menu plan for the day. No one may be interested, but it’s good for my self-discipline. Did you know that temperance (self-control) is one of the Fruits of the Spirit?
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. And they that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.–Galatians 5:22-25
I have tidily overlooked this little bit of information for many years. A friend pointed it out a few months ago, and I have been mediating upon it ever since. I have affections and lusts for food in greater quantities than my body needs. Seeing as I am a Christian, then it’s high time I crucified my flesh by laying down my compulsive over eating at the cross. I’ve done it mentally dozens of times, but my actions have to be evidence of my faith. The action I am taking is planning and recording my food.
*Sigh.* Practicing what I preach is so much harder than just telling people to do as I say and not as I do. Integrity, I think, is a very expensive character trait. The cost is my pride. A very high price indeed.
8 Responses to “February Check In”
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Dearest Maggie, know that you’re not alone in your constant struggle with using food to make yourself feel better and JUST PLAIN liking the stuff! Like you, I’ve struggled most of my life with overweight due to my overeating and using food as medication. I almost blew out my gallbladder because of losing and gaining the same 40-60 lbs constantly. I now know that if I’m going to have any quality of life, I have to take control, so I’ve been working on those areas that cause me the most difficulties and “feeling” instead of stuffing my face with food. You should know this, your blog has helped more people than you know, and I’m one of those people. I’ll pray for you, you pray for me,in this struggle and each of us will work toward loving ourselves by saying NO to overeating and using constructive measures that will help heal and strengthen us. My best to you, on your journey toward “wellness”.
Love and Hugs, Karoline
Thanks for the encouragement Karoline. Food is my drug of choice. My weight problem is evidence of this. I would like to say that I’ve got it all under control, that this next time I try to diet is going to be the time that finally works, and that is just a lie that I keep telling myself. I have to give up, give in, let go of my pride and do what I know has to be done. For me that is writing down what I eat and weighing and measuring my food. I have to plan what I’m going to eat and then stick to my plan even when I don’t want to. It is so hard to humble myself enough to do these things, yet when I do them, everything works the way it’s supposed to. I keep wanting to bargain that this time I can do it without having to go to such “extreme” measures, but it just ain’t gonna happen. I must plan, write it down, weight & measure and trust that God has got my back. Otherwise I just stay fat, no matter how hard I try to do it by myself.
Praying for you Hon, and grateful for the prayers in return 🙂
Miss Maggie, Glad to hear from you again. I don’t usually do this but just felt you should know that I enjoy getting your posts/blogs in my email. Also I too have gained weight yet again. 🙁 I am like you going through the process of planning ahead for those healthy meals with healthy portions. I also felt it hit home for me when you said about how self control is the fruit of the spirit. Once again thank you.
Aww, thanks Trudy, you encourage me too 🙂 Isn’t that fruit of the spirit thing awesome? I have been pondering that for months. It is really inspiring me to follow through on my food plan. Because it’s not my power. It’s temperance, which is a gift from God. Amazing, I agree.
Ah, Miss Maggie,
That is what makes us human–we get sidetracked sometimes and don’t do like we should. And we get back on the saddle and do like we should. You are an amazing lady, never forget that, ok!
THanks Helen. Always nice to be affirmed 🙂
Hi, Maggie…
Been a while since I’ve kept up with your blog. And I’m the poorer for that.
Have been sick with high blood glucose readings. Some of the weirdest things have been happening with the insulin pump. It seems almost as if someone or something is playing with it. And then last weekend I came down with my husband’s upper respiratory infection. And ANY infection plays havoc with the blood glucose levels. It seems as though all I’m doing is chasing numbers with my insulin pump’s figures, trying for some kind of good level of control. I’ve had Type 1 for over 44 yrs and it’s always been this way. So I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised at the latest adventures. Just par for the course.
I’m having trouble (put that word in all upper case) with the weight. After going on an insulin pump in January of 2004, and since I’ve retired in Dec 2005, I seem to have forgotten how to eat like an insulin dependent diabetic. The pump gives so much more latitude where food is concerned. I really think I would be better off on manual injections again but Medicare and most supplemental insurances pay much better for pump supplies than for syringes, insulin and testing equipment. I actually can’t afford to go back to syringe administered insulin. The benefits paid for the equipment for syringe treatment is so much more than for the pump supplies. Caught between a rock and a hard place.
Did I mention the other end of the spectrum? Some of the lows in blood glucose are literally life threatening. My blood glucose has at times been as low as in the 20’s. (100 is about normal.) And I’ve been conscious but very, very confused and often not remembering what I need to do to treat the lows. Fortunately, my dear husband is very familiar with what to do if I can’t do it. His mantra is if I’m cold and dripping with sweat, then I’m low but if my skin is hot and dry, then I’m high.
But so far, the Lord has blessed me so much. I have none of the complications that usually accompany long term diabetes. No kidney failure, no blindness, no neuropathy in my feet. I’ve also been blessed with a Polish paternal grandmother and I’ve had more than one specialist tell me that I was fragile because of the diabetes, but I had the constitution of an ox. Evidently, those eastern Europeans had to be strong as oxen to survive.
As an aside, and if you’re a history buff, read James Michener’s book “Poland”. I finished it early this winter and he’s not easy to read, and his books are so long, but it’s meaty and informative if you ignore all the junk about the age of the earth being millions and millions and millions of years.
As usual, I talked too much so forgive and delete if you wish.
I have almost finished transferring all the info on my PC to my IMAC. Then I will need to start studying the software info I need to know to utilize it to its fullest.
God bless each and everyone who’s on Maggie’s blog. Especially YOU, Maggie!
Frankie
Hey Frankie, 20 is scary for blood sugar. When my Fred gets down to the 40’s or 50’s we get nervous. 20 would terrify me. On good days, when I wake up mine is in the 70’s. On bad days, it’s over 120 in the mornings. I’m pre-diabetic. Fred’s type 2 diabetic. He injects insulin manually and is able to maintain very good control and flexibility that way. The pump always seemed convenient to me. I never thought about the ups and downs it might cause. The VA is more likely to pay for injectable insulin for type 2 diabetes, so that’s what Fred uses. I take Glucophage and it helps me a lot I think. But pre-diabetes is a completely different animal than Type-1. That’s a lot of work over a lifetime.
I’ve read The Source, by Michener, but never any of his other works. I’m Scotch-Irish, Native American, Dutch and English. Fred is German, Polish & Native American. We’re both mutts. 😉
It’s wonderful that you don’t have any of the secondary complications from diabetes. Fred has a friend with LOTS of complications. It’s because he didn’t take very good care of it early on, and as he’s gotten older he’s had a lot of neuropathy and eye problems. So far Fred is in pretty good shape, but we do watch it, and I take care to provide lots of healthy foods. For he and I both, since I started my weight loss journey, we’ve both seen major health improvements. I didn’t used to believe that our diet made that much difference, but the older I get, the more I realize just how big an impact it has on our health.
I think other things do too though, like spending time outside and having a spouse or family around to keep us going. Family and friends and especially faith, have just as big an impact on our health I believe.
Glad you’re feeling better after the cold. Hope you continue to do so. I’m off to visit with my sister today. We have plans to do nothing but chat like girls over a pot of tea. It should be a fun morning. As always, lovely to hear from you dear :-). Hugs & Blessings 🙂